Behind the Silence

So...there have been a couple weeks of silence on my part. But there is oh, so much, behind the silence. Sometimes you just don't know what to say. Sometimes you can't say what you want to say. Sometimes you wish there was something you could say, but you just don't know what. So you just wait.

Life is tough. Times are hard. It may not be what you see. It may not be what you hear, even if you ask her. It may not be what you read in this space. But it's there. Lurking. Behind the silence. Behind what didn't get said. Behind the "fine", "hanging in there", "can't complain". It's not anyone's fault. But it's there, and it's deeply personal. The good thing is: Jesus is there, too. Even and especially when we don't know what to say. Just say Jesus. Whisper it. Shout it. Cry it. Laugh it. Believe He is there. Believe He is listening. Believe in His promises. Believe He knows, He remembers, He ordains, and He orchestrates the milliseconds of our moments. Just. Pray. The battle is not over. 

The update: 

As you may remember, Wendy got her drain removed after receiving the "all clear" for her seroma 2 weeks ago. Her radiation oncologist wanted to be certain to give her body time to fully heal before rescheduling the casting and scheduling appointment for radiation. You know. For the 3rd time. 

This appointment is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, and I couldn't possibly stress enough that Wendy needs a GREEN LIGHT from her Dr. to get this party started! Sure, there is a little uncertainty. How will she feel? Will there be fatigue? Will her skin hold up? Oy vey- DAILY trips to the cancer center for 6 weeks. But she needs to finish this. She needs to say, "I beat cancer" and have WEEKS and MONTHS between her and another trip to Siteman Cancer Center. PRAY for a green light! No other color will do! And, while we are praying for a "GO", let's also pray for CONVENIENT appointment times and great logistics! Her appointment has to be at the same time each day, and with 3 kids and busy schedules, they would prefer 8:30am. Could you join me in praying for 8:30am!? 

Please also continue to pray for Wendy's overall health. So far, our friends sodium and potassium are behaving without supplements, and we would love for them to stay that way! She is also steadily getting some hair back. Ruby is still holding out hope that it is going to look just like hers, though an afro seems highly unlikely! Generally,Wendy is healing nicely, and feeling stronger each day. 

Pray also, specifically: 

• for Wendy's energy level to hold strong. NO FATIGUE during radiation.
• for Wendy's skin to remain healthy during radiation. NO RASHES, NO BURNING, NO SENSITIVITY! 
• for convenient scheduling and easy, quick daily treatments that do not interrupt too much of their day.
• for, generally, NO MORE CANCER!!
• for Andy, Hal, and Nancy as they accompany her to treatments. 
• for Andy as he balances work and family while walking alongside Wendy.
• for the kids as Wendy enters a new, uncertain phase of treatment. New stuff is scary! 
• for Taylor as she battles some additional health concerns, and Andy and Wendy as they care for her.

Finally, friends, just pray for the things I didn't say. The things that are just hard. The things that are just ugly. The things that are too scary to ponder. The things that are deeply personal. The things I don't even know about myself. You don't even have to know what they are. Because He does. Just say Jesus.

Blessings to each of you. You have been faithful to pray on this journey. You have been faithful to love. To be worried. To wonder. To ask. To hug. To send a note. To buy a shirt. To wear a bracelet. To tell others about this warrior friend you have. DO. NOT. STOP. Behind the silence God is still working.

K

...an excerpt from "Behind the Scenes of Silence" by Jennifer Crawford Walker:

"Right where we are…At this very moment…On this specific day…In this exact place…During this particular season of life…God is not dormant. He is working, building, preparing, and making the way for His answer to our immediate prayers, and to our lifelong ones.

In this period of “silence”, God is working behind the scenes, setting the stage for Jesus, who will make Himself known and glorified as He changes and blesses our lives, and the lives of others, through the work He is doing this very moment – that seems silent to us.

The same is true for you today. Wherever you are…Here you are…At this very moment…On this specific day…In this exact place…During this particular season of your life… God knows, God remembers, God ordains, and God orchestrates the milliseconds of your moments.

And God is working, building, preparing, and making the way for His answer to your immediate prayers, and to your lifelong ones. He is stetting the stage for Jesus, who will Glorify Himself and bless you and those around you through the work He is doing this very moment… Even if it seems like a lot of silence to you…

May the Lord bless you and strengthen you in your times of “silence”, my friends. Because one of these days, the curtain will rise… the silence will be broken… and you and I will have some awesomely true stories to tell of all of God’s works. He will be honored by us and honored through our testimonies.

Hang in, and hang on… God is working behind the scenes of silence!

“But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.” Psalm 73:28

Is There a Punch Card for This?

Four. Four times Wendy has been back to the hospital to get this drain working correctly! Four punches she would have earned on her "hospital VIP" card if there were such a thing! 

As most of you know, Wendy went in last Monday (2/8) to have a drain placed in her breast. There was a pocket of fluid accumulating there after surgery, causing swelling and discomfort. Unfortunately, removing the fluid by needle did not resolve the issue. Said swelling was really causing more of a pain in the backside (if you know what I mean) because it was causing a roadblock for the start of radiation therapy. 

This pocket of fluid, also known as a "seroma", is a non-infected pocket of fluid that "sometimes" develops after surgery. (I say "sometimes" because Wendy would say her chances were "100%" since it's just her way to be different on this journey!!) Of course, they can be little boogers to manage at times, which has been the case for Wendy the past week and a half! It went like this: 

Monday 2/8: Go to hospital. Drain is placed. Wendy is a rock star. Goes to a meeting with me at 7. 

Wednesday 2/10: Drain stops working and freaks everyone out. Thankful for a snowy night! They happened to be at home and not church for all that crazy.

Thursday 2/11: Go to hospital. Drain is clogged. Let's just start flushing it! No worries.  

Monday 2/15: Go to hospital. Replace drain completely. (Good news though, the cavity is getting smaller!) Despite the chaos. the treatment is working. Again-Wendy is a rock star. Spends the rest of the day running errands and goes to another meeting. Crazy girl. 

Wednesday 2/17: Go to hospital. New drain isn't working either! Oh, it's clogged again!? Seriously. I cannot make this stuff up. Dr. figures out problem. Wendy is a rock star. Jumps in my car as I drive by the hospital, cooks and serves dinner for nearly 100 people and helps take care of 40 kids after that! 

In the midst of all this, the tape from Wendy's dressings has managed to mangle her skin into something "unlike anything the Dr. has ever seen" (I kid you, not). That issue has been WAY more uncomfortable than dealing with the drain itself. 

So-- here we are. Still no radiation plans yet. The drain is working (today), and we are hopeful that by Monday the pocket will be closed. If not, the drain will remain in a bit longer. In the meantime, would you please pray with me: 

-- Pray for Wendy's skin. It is still raw, sore and uncomfortable from the dressing changes.

-- Pray for Wendy's seroma to heal quickly, and for them to be able to remove the drain when they are able. 

-- Pray for NO INFECTION. We want this open area to remain clean and free from bacteria! 

-- Pray for SLEEP. It can be difficult to get in a comfy sleeping position with the drain in. 

-- Pray for Wendy's labs to remain stable (remember our friends Sodium and Potassium!?)

-- Pray for the radiation plans to get underway as soon as they are able. 

-- Pray for peace and patience over Wendy as these frustrations pop up. It's just plain hard when things do not go how you "expect" (over and over and over). 

-- Pray for Andy as he continues to care for her, as well as the kids, and the rest of their family. 

Friends, Wendy is really doing WELL. I am not just saying that. Sure, there are days (or minutes everyday) when she is enormously frustrated. Discouraged. Angry. Jealous. Sad. Tired of feeling tired. BUT- man, she is a rock star. Her attitude is uplifting. Faith-filled. Hopeful. Gloriously stubborn. If I told you her schedule over the past 10 days with this ordeal, you probably wouldn't believe me. She pushes forward. Because she didn't come this far to stop now. Thanks for continuing to encourage her and pray for her. It makes a difference. YOU make a difference.

Blessings- K

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." - Walter Elliott

An Extra Portion.

Team WW, I am coming today with a humble request for a little more... a little more prayer, a little more encouragement, a little more "you can DO this!"...an extra portion for my friend.

As you know, Wendy had a follow up appointment with her surgeon last week, and an appointment with her medical oncologist on Monday this week. Both physicians were very pleased with her progress, and felt like things were a "GO" for the radiation oncologist to get the ball rolling toward Phase III of striking out breast cancer!

Last Thursday, her surgeon noted a little swelling at the surgical site/in the breast tissue, but reassured her and told her to call if it got "worse", thinking it was a "normal" post-op side effect. She didn't have a fever, wasn't too uncomfortable, and had been following the recommended precautions since her surgery. Great. Well done.

Her medical oncologist, Dr. P, saw her Monday, checked her labs, and noted also that things looked good. He planned to continue closely monitoring her sodium levels (because, you know, they are always a pain in the bohonkas), but also gave her a thumbs up! Great. Well done. (See a theme here?)

So, Tuesday, Wendy headed for her radiation oncology appointment in hurried anticipation of the "full workup" = getting marked and scheduled for upcoming radiation therapy. (Let's get this show on the road!) Except, sometimes things don't go how we expect. (If you ask Wendy...she would say, "Of course! Why would anything be "normal" for me!? ...insert growl...) Dr. H was not at all pleased with the way her surgical site/breast looked, as it was quite swollen. Wendy was asked to go immediately to her surgeon's office for an impromptu draining of over 250 cc of fluid (Wendy is a warrior, people. Handled this like a champ!) "No big deal", said the Dr. "It's not infected"... "just wasn't draining right"..."rest it"..."keep ice on it"..."let me know if it returns"... "we will get you back to the radiation Dr. ASAP" NO BIGGIE!

Fast forward through a VERY IMPATIENT Wednesday... (don't tell this patient you are going to call TODAY to reschedule an appointment and then not do it. Really. Never do that! I am not kidding!) Wendy finally heard (on Thursday!) from the radiation oncologist that they would see her today (Friday), planning to do what they were "supposed to do" on Tuesday. Great! (or, not.)

Dr. H (radiation oncologist) was again very disappointed in the appearance of the surgical site/breast tissue this morning. Too swollen. Need to get that stuff out of there before we can do this. Oh, sorry, the surgeon isn't here today... will have to wait until Monday... I will have her call you today to make an appointment. (No. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That!)

So, friends, the end result of today is this: Wendy has to have a drain placed on Monday morning to get this fluid off of there before the radiation oncologist can proceed with Phase III of this journey! It is a relatively simple procedure, but one that will require some sedation. We are also uncertain at the moment how long it will have to remain in. Her radiation oncologist is willing to move forward with marking and scheduling radiation, even with the drain, as long as the site looks better! That appointment will be rescheduled (yet again) in the near future.

Wendy is willing to do what she needs to do to stay healthy, and to put this process behind her, but she isn't very patient. I don't mean that she should be. I think she is a rock star who has carried her head so high and her attitude positive, forward-focused, and faith-filled. But she is impatient. This is a setback. We don't have "time" for setbacks! Her mental calendar is ticking away. Her goal date coming closer each day she isn't receiving radiation. And it is forever frustrating!!!! I know she is thinking..."can't I just catch a break!?" "Why does everything with me have to include a setback!?" In faith, she KNOWS SHE CAN with HIS STRENGTH. But her humanness says, "OH, FOR THE LOVE!"

Join me today in asking for an extra portion. Especially for Wendy. But also for Andy. For the kids. For her parents. But especially for Wendy. Jesus is carrying her, but oh, how she longs to just hear from Him... "I've got this. Notice my arms around you. Hear my voice. Feel my joy. We. are. almost. there. I promise."

Blessings- Kindra

And Now...the Rest of the Story.

I am no Paul Harvey, but...

Wendy was able to exhale this week with wonderful news from her team of physicians, and breast cancer took Strike 2! However, she is still up to bat and needs her team to stick it out with her in encouragement and prayer! So, here is a run down of what's next: 

- Wendy meets with her surgeon tomorrow (Monday) for a follow up from surgery. Andy and Wendy are looking forward to re-hearing the results from the surgery face to face. Another reassurance you heard and understood things correctly is always a good thing! Wendy is doing great overall post-op wise. She has obviously had some soreness, and a little swelling. She has been a champ, and (mostly) (tries to be) has been compliant with her restrictions on activity and lifting. Thanks for continuing to pray for complete healing! 

- Wendy meets with her medical oncologist on February 1st. Dr. P will just check on Wendy globally- her health, her labs, etc. Thanks for continuing to pray for her overall health and wellbeing. We want her to remain healthy- NO SICKNESS! We also want her labs to stabilize so she may soon be able to wean off the sodium and potassium supplements she has continued to take. Additionally, please pray for Wendy's skin. This cold, dry winter weather sure does take its toll! (Both making her  FREEZE and making her skin crack and itch!)

In better news, Wendy has a little peach fuzz on her head (a little dark so far!), and her brows and lashes are slowly returning too. It's a sweet little reminder that her health is being restored! 

- Finally, Wendy will meet with her radiation oncologist on February 2nd. During this appointment, they will develop a treatment plan and prepare to begin therapy. Radiation is the 3rd strike in striking out breast cancer. She will receive approximately 28 radiation treatments over 5-6 weeks. You may ask "why radiation" when her medical team is celebrating the success of her chemo and her surgery. The answer is simply: to make sure. To make sure there are no satellite cancer cells that are undetected. To make sure to optimize the treatment of her cancer. To make sure that the chances of it returning are as low as they can be! Wendy fully understands and accepts the necessity of this final phase of treatment, but it doesn't come without some trepidation. Please pray for Andy and Wendy as they develop and enter into this final phase of treatment. Her treatments are daily, which means daily trips to the hospital for 6 weeks for a somewhat short therapy (minutes a day). She is unsure how it will make her feel- both skin irritation and general fatigue are most common, so let's begin to pray against those effects on her body. Pray also that the secondary effects of radiation exposure are minimal to the rest of her body, specifically her heart and her lungs. Pray for the treatments to go forward without any delays, and for her to successfully reach the finish line! 

Please continue to pray for Andy, Wendy, Ashlyn, Taylor and Luke, as well as the rest of their extended family. Thank you for your ongoing love, notes, texts, cards, and never ending blessings...Wendy and her family are truly blessed. Please do not tire of this encouragement. The race is not yet ended! Wendy-woo is certainly fighting the good fight. Her light (HIS light in her) is shining brightly for all to see! The other side of cancer draws nearer every day.

Blessings- K

Such Beautiful Words.

It worked.

How fabulous is that!? It worked! Chemotherapy worked. Surgery worked. There is no cancer detectable in Wendy's body. Healthy tissue, healthy lymph nodes. Cancer free. I can't speak in complete sentences because I am still trying to wrap my mind around the news! 

Yesterday we were worried the news was going to be hard. The results were taking forever. "It doesn't normally take this long." "More pathology is required." "We had to send the tissue off again." "Things still look good but we need to "make sure". And then today...the call. It's GREAT news! "The tissue looked so good we needed to make sure." IT WORKED!! Cue: TEARS. Lots and LOTS of tears. And laughing. And celebration. And more tears! God turns mourning into dancing...weeping into laughing!! 

"Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." Jeremiah 31:13 

So...I plan to update you on the "what's next", but for now...let everything that has breath praise the Lord! 

"Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Pr

aise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. 

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, 

praise him with timbrel and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe, 

praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. 

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD."

...God, you are perfect in all your ways. You're a good, good Father.  Amen.

Blessings! K

Praise the Lord!

Let everything that has breath PRAISE THE LORD! Wendy made it through her surgery with glorious flying colors! She is a MODEL patient...such a strong woman whose faith shines through in her sense of humor, her smile, her ability to roll with the unknown, her sassy attitude and constant attempts to get Andy to raise his eyebrows. I will never cease to be amazed by the strength of her testimony and the armor of God she wears for all to see. Brave. Courageous. Strong. Beautiful.

The doctor was optimistic about her procedure, and believes we have every reason to be hopeful that the cancer is GONE! She removed 2 lymph nodes, and though the borders of the area where the tumor was can be a little tricky...thinks all went as expected!

Now...we wait. For pathology. For healing. For phase III (radiation) to begin.

Please pray in the coming days:

-- for Wendy's pain control, for peace and rest, and for complete healing of her surgical site. I heard the nurses...princess treatment it is this week :) Not many restrictions, but more "take it easy's".
-- for the pathology report to bring the BEST POSSIBLE RESULTS = CLEAN BORDERS! There is no exact timeline, but they are hopeful to hear results this week.
-- for Wendy's general health, energy, and well-being. Though we celebrate these HUGE milestones... the battle wages on!
-- for Wendy's skin- this cold, dry weather is waging war on her skin! Pray for healing and for comfort!
-- for her anticipated Dr. appointments yet this month with both the surgeon (a fpllow-up) and her radiation oncologist to make plans for treatments.
-- for the anticipation of radiation starting next month. It is a daunting prospect...daily visits for many, many weeks and the stresses, fatigue, and other potential side effects that accompany! Let's storm the gates now for the most possible comfort for this process!
-- for Andy- he is a rock. I am blessed to call him friend. Please lift him up for peace, for rest, for reassurance.
-- for the kids. They were rock stars today. Ashlyn was at the hospital, and showed maturity beyond her years. It was important for her to be at her mom's side. Taylor and Luke rocked their responsibilities today, as well, despite a day out of the ordinary! Pray for them all as they "do school and church" this week.
-- for family...Hal, Nancy, Trey and family, grandma, parents far away... they all carry the worry.

Thank you for your faithful prayers today, and the TONS of encouragements sent Wendy's way. It was a JOY for her to see HER TEAM fighting in prayer for her today! You are a blessing!

K

Never Once...

 As we sit in waiting today...let us remember that she never walks alone.

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Your are, You are faithful, God, You are faithful